Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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