meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
