I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
