you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
