Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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