you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
