Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Sacagawea was the original milf.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
