I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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