she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I can't turn off my feet"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
