I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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