your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
