we have officially lost it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
