not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
