Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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