hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
