no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
