Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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