And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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