I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
