How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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