Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
