His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
