Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
