I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize