Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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