So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
