This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Randomize
