don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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