mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
