Your dad touched me again.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
