i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
