Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I love you. Go after that dick
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
