Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
