her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
