Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
