Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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