she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
