she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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