Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
