a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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