My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
