I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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