I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
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