Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
