So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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