Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
