Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
