I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
