guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
