sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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