either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
