hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Damn victory sex feels great
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
