i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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