dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
tell me about the fingering
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
