I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
