i would punch a child for taco bell
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
