You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
