The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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