No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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