guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
