if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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