Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
