I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
