My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize