Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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