Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
